All you need is 5 seconds of insane courage


I don’t know if you have read my other blog about the water nymphs. But bottom line, it was about how to look for your own inborn talent that has been waiting patiently for years for you to be seen and picked up and to enjoy with full happiness.

It has been over 2 weeks now that I have been walking around with a new revolution in my arms. Although it should feel like floating in the air embraced by a new freedom and screaming out to everybody I am on my way, reality is that carrying my new uprising feels like plomp and rather than lifting me up, I am glued to the floor. I stopped even writing, my way of liberating my thoughts and to read afterwards what is going on my head. I am clearly too scared to read my own spinning myself this time.

The problem, when revealing your own talent, is that as it is a talent of course it comes naturally to you. So when I “discovered” what my talent was, I immediately doubted and struggled with questions and remarks like ”this is not special at all” and “what kind of special thing can you do with such an amateur talent like mine?”

In an attempt to live and accept myself, I am humbly putting my talents there to water this idea I have. A dossier with big letters CONFIDENTIAL on it, where in secret with a shy shame, I work in on my own little revolution as significant (or insignificant according to my own water nymphs) it may be.

This -in the closet- rising is growing by the days. Most of everything I hope it will inspire you too to explore and stand up for your own talent’s rights and create your own upheaval.

There are moments when new pieces of my rebellion puzzles arrive. It feels like a mysterious warm river filling my hearth with “home“ water. A feeling so “womb” nice that I know I am doing the right thing. But this feeling does not last forever, the rest of the time I have to deal to live with the many tiny heart attacks this transformation is causing in my body. Snipers hitting me at the middle of the panic rose.

I faced struggles and have done crazy dive jumps before; I redid my high school exam three times, left an established financial career at the age 32 to restart a career with blossoming passion as an intern at a fashion company. I had 3 jobs to work out my annual university fee for 5 years and struggled to graduate on a topic that did not interest me but just to please my father. They all seemed endless but I knew I was going till the very end with no doubt.

So with all that luggage on my back, why am I so scared of this one?

All those quotes that I read to give me some courage, like “the end of the comfort zone is where life begins” and “when it scares you it might be the right thing to do”, all lose their appeal when a tiger ferocious fear is looking you straight in the eye. The only quote making sense now is “if it feels like sh*tting in your pant, go to the toilet.”

As we speak I have secluded myself in my country house where there are no sounds except the one of the wind and my stomach making burbling water sounds, mumbling with a mouth full it is feeling sick. Hoping to find in this peaceful nature environment my answer and courage to get ready to revolt myself.

How to get the courage? How to make a plan? I have been writing some little notes in my notebook. But it has not all come to one single BIG Messiah project yet. Long away from water nymphs, I still sometimes hear a sea wind whispering me “Who is going to care?”

And even if I know from common Facebook wisdom postings that you do it for yourself; are we secretly not lying to ourselves and do we not all long in silence for some recognition of any kind?

If it is not the mass confirming you with the touch of a “like” button what you do, then at least one person telling you, that your story made a difference or helped them go ahead.

Longing for recognition has become the 2014/2015 shame and guilty pleasure?

We all want to feel significant in some kind of way and why should be ashamed of it? Is this the true new mutiny we should be talking about it?

So let’s get it on, Mrs Revolution. Lets get ready for some Russian roulette. I am taking my position to jump.

Imagine this moment;you close your eyes just before you take a bungee jump at 60 meters in a cold winter morning. Around and below of you the only companion is just a dense humid cold fog. Do you get the picture?

Well, I am there and look at me when I am jumping. Don’t mistake my facial expression for calmness, I am in adrenaline shock and don’t be fooled by my giggling, it is my in vane attempt to steam off some pressure and trying to still look nice in a panic pose. Inside I am living a fear at its coldest freezing purity. That first step to decide when to jump, knowing that once you will be floating, nobody can do anything anymore; it is done.

OK, I go, knowing that you are thinking of me NOW, it feels like the invisible hand holding me. In the split second before I jump I will think of you and squeeze your hand and thank God you are there.



Nymphs of fear whispering you paradise

Do we all have something where we are unique at?

Take Philip Segmour Hoffmann, the actor, who did all those great movies. For me, undoubtedly a great talent. He probably adored acting and when he was at it, for sure in a great divine flow and on a high. So why the drugs?

Philip was not alone, same with Amy Winehouse, Billy Holiday and many more. All blessed with such enormous talent, they could fly. So why follow a dark ocean and get drown? If they could hear angelic voices instead.

Were these persons simply more sensitive and courageous than others? Or is there a price to pay for divine talents?

If others were gifted with talents, does it mean there were also “children of a lesser god”, like me, that ended up with no talent?

Raise up your hand now if you wish you had your own unique talent. A talent that feels like living in a loving world of your own, all worries disappear and you wish it never stops. I do. So how do we find it?

I heard a story the other day, telling there are just two emotions in life. The rest of our emotions are just derivates of these two: Love and Fear.  If love is what we feel when we simply enjoy what we do, the shame and apologising veil we put ourselves must be our fear. This hungry inhuman creature, living in our own Lochness lake of pain, can be fed by anything from a raw and screaming youth to a simple remark of your class mates that sticked for ever.

Are we missing the big point of what we should do, because we are blinded by fear?  The odds are very high that  the “IT” I should be doing, is something that I am overlooking as it is something that I already do but I have labeled as too banal and common. Something I like to do, but I parked already in the “nothing special” corner and so we keep on looking for something that is just below our eyes.

I thought I had found my own “IT” already. I had in an earlier life already changed career and followed my passion for fashion. Eight years passed like nothing, I worked passionately on making beautiful collections, but I ended up being drained and unhappy. What had started as a love affair ended up in a toxic relationship. Why?

I was all excited when I quit my established and safe banking job in my home country, I left all securities behind and went all the way for an “impossible”challenge in the unpredictable world of fashion at the age of 32. I was for sure not driven by any fear and there was this excitement for the newness telling to go on. The first time I was on the list to enter the fashion door I still remember. What a high! You are in awe  and so driven by passion and the fact you managed to get in, simply made you walk on clouds. The first promotions came in and soon enough I worked for my favourite prestigious brand in Paris. But the truth is that like any drugs, after a period that nothing seems to be able to break you, there comes a time it is simply never enough and from enjoying creations of beautiful things, I ended up like a junkie not getting high anymore from anything but simply trying to get through the day and needed more just not to feel the pain.

There is a weak spot in everybody that needs reassurance. We are sometimes so tired and lost that we see only remedy in the conspiring voices of our own sea nymphs, whispering us that compensation, recognition (or whatever you label it) will put the pain to silence, seducing us to follow down into the deep cold ocean where the noise of fear will become deaf and dumb.

If for all those years we have been anchored ourselves down there in a “mute” world and we want to set free, how can we unravel ourselves?

ed139508fa6382ad45dd43ba6745b116_FotorNo matter how deep you are in the ocean, there is deep inside of you something that continues speaking to you. In a language of no words it was telling me to not to grieve to leave something and trust something new would come, just like in the poems of Rumi.

I left my fashion job and decided not to listen any of those seducing voices teasing me with fears while swimming up. Like Odysseus I resisted the whispering promises from the sea. I tied myself up to the boat, prepared to confront any weather that would come upon my road, closed my ears and passed the hypnotising echoes of the sirens.

Once you are up the hardest part is still to come, the sirens were just ghosts that you could put aside, but now that you have swum towards the surface and are breathing again, in the calmer waters you have to come clear also with the bleeding heart of the problem that is now floating and mirroring on the water: YOU.

Why did you need a career, why you needed to cover up ? What is that we will see once all that wild troubled water stops?

Sometimes the answer is not such a feel good story as you would like and it simply raw and indigestible sad.

When I was around 11 years old, I started to fill up my room with beautiful colourful boards of add campaigns of Dior and Parisian fashions shows, disappearing for hours and hours in the beauty of my own under water world Fashion. Not for the love of Alaia or YSL, but simple cause they allowed to dream of an other world then mine. And it worked, when I looked outside of the window seeing other kids playing, in my room I found my own safe place around my boards not to feel lonely and excluded anymore and like this I met and followed in a spell my first sea nymph into the waters.

Have the courage to take this lonely kid back in your arms, cherish and hug it. With the eyes of love, look again and there you will find yourself, the kid and next to it, your passion, your talent, just right there next to you waiting, patiently all those years.

Follow. Love or Fear. “If you keep your eyes open you will see the things worth seeing.” Thank you Rumi.


Ayurvedic India Week 3-4: India in a flow, how can I ever describe?

 Listen to below music while reading to help dream away for a few minutes in the wonders of India. 



When you travel nothing is nicer than when you get familiar to your new surrounding and you feel you are part of its every days life.

I was in my third week in India and finally got into a rhythm.

I loved my daily tours to the treatment centre that was based on the top floor of a little shopping mall. Although the building on it is self had a “bric et brac” appeal. It did not matter much. Yes, it was cracky, unfinished and there was no clear retail marketing strategy behind the whole construction. But exactly that was what maked it  fascinating, it was not perfect, had its flaws but it was vibrant and different.

When I walk in any western city nowadays you can already predict that next to Zara there will be soon enough a H&M upcoming or a Mango. It is planned and it shows. All those marketing people ( of which I used to be part of), seem to forget that life is all about living experiences and what is the fun of an experience if every ride in any park is the same.

I loved to wander around my grey shopping mall that was coloured with all these little stores. Electricity cables were hanging over the wet floor and there was daily a live show of a chicken massacre at the butcher while you were at the indian barber shop doing your indian threaded eyebrows .

My life was small, I only lived on the compound where I drifted by the Ayurvedic rhythm of delightful healing treatments. I felt being part of a mysterious feel good movie that was rolling in slow motions. I had a content smile fixed on my face and I was simply floating.  I have never taken drugs but I guess that taking heroin must be  like this, but with the beauty that this all came from inside and without any tragic suffocating monkey around your neck killing you softly. After being scared to go, India was really getting in my veins and slowly putting me in a very warm and mellow feeling. I understood why all those people were taken by  this magic and mystery. I felt like never leaving this warm womb. Life was just beautiful here, for no specific reason. Despite the long list of reasons why I did not want to go , once you were there, it was all you wanted, I was hooked on this divine “Nice and Easy”.

Strange how I could just close my eyes and remember every single detail. Normally I am quite distracted and don’t have such a sharp recollective mind. The colours of the people and their clothing, kids playing cricket at sunset after school, it was the “Best Exotic Marigold hotel” at his best. A “Must See” ( both the movie as India).

I don’t know if were the black beads that the doctor gave me, the treatments or my new philosophy of life of letting go and float, but I felt profoundly happy, in a bliss.  I wished you could smell with me the mystic combination of the smell of herbs being cooked, incense of all the people doing their puja/hindu rituals at home and the uncommon perfume of the trees in the park. You would see some garbage but it was not like a disruption of this floating dream, it was simply part of it, just like the street dogs full of fleas with their street fight signatures.

In the afternoon I would sit at sun set in the park. Women all together sitting together in wonderful colours on the grass, would timidly greet me, revealing their perfect white teeth. Curious little kids surrounding me like little monkeys in front, from the back and aside, asking for my name and trying to put their excellent english to the test. I would usually be too impatient to sit alone anywhere. But here I felt peaceful. Something very innocent and joyful was blowing a hypnotising air on those afternoon moments in the park.

The Vaidya’s advice , on top of the cow and banana, was that it would be very wholesome for my deeply desired wish to be  around children. This exercise was served on a silver plate. During those afternoon on my little green iron bench in the park I was invisible, covered by little indian kids that were looking at me with their big black bead eyes. Other days  I played with the kids of the Vaidya and we fed the magical cow. The divine animal that the Raju family suggested to see every day to expose myself to her divine “Motherly” incarnations.

Whatever this Ayurvedic myth was true or not, every morning  my way to the clinic was filled with joy. Kids going to school, waving and from the heart wishing me  a true” Goodmorning Mam” , “See you later, madam” and even from far on the end of the street running to scout out load” Maaaaaaam, byeeeee”.

How much did I miss this. How much did I need this. In Paris, the city filled with its own eternal magics,  the “Bonjour” ( despite the delicious croissants or pain chocolates)  never came with a free gift of a smile. A smile of kid, a cow, the ladies in the park, so simple poured me under a refreshing but warm shower of joy.

This high, could I relive it? Or did I need to seclude myself in India from now on, listening to heart moving indian flutes and float in their mysterious rivers?

I just closed my eyes.  It was all there, the park, I could relive again.



Amma the hug Guru: todays hug report

246633_2027765024478_1920419_n I was in an industrial hall in the middle of nowhere. Not really the “ Get in the mood” location for the world most famous hug. But a small woman from Kerala in India would change it all today.

I heard for the first time about the Hug Saint at the Raju Clinic in India. A young American guy, travelling through India to play Indian music, was wearing this pink t-shirt with a warm smiling Indian woman on it. The woman I was visiting today: Amma, the hug guru.

I was intrigued about her from that first moment on. It was quickly decided I would go and see her once I found it she was travelling and only 1 hour from where I was. Inside the hall, there were people from all over the world, which explained the many campers and foreign tour busses outside.

One of the hundreds international volunteers, explained me how the lining worked and the guy was so nice and friendly that he alone would deserve a hug already.

I knew I was going to have to be patient with so many visitors already inside, but I did not mind. There were little stores with Amma gadgets, a massage place, astrologist, very tasty Indian snacks, Indian buffet, western food and great home made cakes. All very fairly priced and all benefits were for Amma’s charity fund,which was impressively vast ( A whole book of 94 pages covering just impressive stories and even more impressive facts, numbers and amounts that Amma dedicated to charity.) R.E.S.P.EC.T. Amma.

The most curious I was of course about Amma herself. After my walk around I sat down and simply waited till a Belgium voice announced that Amma was on her way (For dutch readers: a very Jambers voice, very surreal as you can imagine)

With Amma’s arrival being close, a woman next to me started to cry, another one to meditate. I felt like applauding when she came on stage to welcome her, but cowardly joined the mass and stayed silent.

After a small modest initiation ceremony for Amma, we prayed all together and meditated on the famous: “OMMMMMM” . This under the instructions and wise words of our Belgian but invisible Big Brother’s “Jambers” voice.

As far as Amma was concerned, she looked exactly as on the pictures. A small warm very friendly woman. I was impressed about Amma. She had been hugging already over 33 million people but she still took time to hug each individual and did not seem to take one single moment a break.

When asked how she could do this non- stop for so many hours, she replied” you also don’t ask a river how he does it, it simply streams.” And added that for her there was not no effort whenever there was divine love.

Besides looking at Amma hugging non-stop, I was simply also enjoying the crowd. Of course there were the expected non-stop hugging Osho kind of persons, but there were also people in tie and suit, “old school” traditional grannies till rave party kind of guys. Just to name you some. I watched my eyes out and could only come to the conclusion that hugging must indeed unite all people, cause we were indeed all there.

Once in a while some volunteer walked around with a board written on it if somebody wanted to help out washing pans, serve snack or cut some vegetable. I was telling myself that if this waiting would take any longer I would volunteer to kill some time.

Then finally, after 3,5 hours of waiting , it was my turn. From the moment I got in my special waiting seats till I got to Amma, my ticket was checked 4 times, not even at an airport my ticket has been checked as much. I could imagine lots of people are trying to find creative ways, cause otherwise they probably would not have the chance to see her today and had to sleep over (as indeed many did) or come back tomorrow (best is to come min 3 hours before opening if you want to hug the same day)

While you are seated an instruction list was handed out on how to hug Amma. I can imagine that “organising” the hugging is necessary cause 33 million people hanging on you and not wanting to leave otherwise would have been a very difficult job for Amma and an eternal waiting for us.

My moment was there, just before getting to Amma, a very strict acting German female volunteer asked me some things and then I had to put myself on my knees ( so that Amma did not need stand up all the time) and shuffled on my knees towards her, slightly pushed by my German “Hug drill coach”. I put myself on Amma’s right side ( as by instruction) and Amma kindly pulled me towards her. I was very distracted cause she continued talking to someone and a volunteer was touching below my leg ( I guess checking I did not touch Amma’s feet- as per instruction as well.) Amma then took me to her other side and stopped speaking. She hugged me even more closely and started to say some words that she repeated constantly but were not identifiable to any language I ever heard. She gave me a kiss and before I knew, I was pulled back again in real life by my German “hug organiser”. A necessary evil, I knew more souls to be hugged today. Amma gave me a small gift: a candy and rose leaf.

And that was it.

Was it what I expected?

It was a nice hug, but I guess if a “big mamma” auntie would have take me in her arms and hugged me, it would have had the same nice effect on me.

I am sure it is all very personal. I had seen people being very emotional with her. A woman on the bus on the way back said that the she became very warm when Amma hugged her and felt like overthinking her life tonight and do some good out there.

I guess everybody has its own Guru, just like in India, where within a family each could have their own favourite and that is not a problem. Luckily there are plenty of Gurus in India and across the globe. And luckily I found my own one already, the mango lady as I called her but that is for next time.

As for Amma I left indeed very impressed, more than by the hug, by the vast charity and good work she spreading around the world. Only for that already I would just say: Keep on hugging!

# 10 Ayurvedic quick wins: Garlic, a stinky bastard, revealed as a healing saint after all ( Not recommended if you have to go out the night)

9c34844a4092ec92b4a089a21d1da4c4 During Ayurvedic Cleansing, Pancha Karma, we don’t eat Garlic ( nor onions) as it is quite difficult to digest. That does not mean that garlic has great powers and that if you don’t want to eat it, applying on the body, helps as well for many things:

  1. Ear pain: boil 2-3 garlic in the Sesame oil ( You see againSesame Oil, like my other Ayurvedic Quickwins: an other healer that is so great, check out this link) and put 2 drops of oil in the ear to get relief from the pain. Max: 2-3 times per day
  2. Sleeping problems: Eat a small salad with garlic in the night time to get a deep sleep. ( Salad has the image to be light, but note that for Ayurveda, salad and garlic don’t digest easily,  so keep it in a small quantity
  3. Warts and skin spots: To remove them directly apply raw garlic on warts and acne spots. Do this on a daily basis and you will get rid of warts and acne spots easily.
  4. High blood pressure: Drink this “great” syrup, two whole garlic, sugar and glass of water. 3 table spoons (tbsp) of syrup daily to resolve the high blood pressure problem.
  5. Rheuma: Take oil for any kind of joints ( Sesame oil is great too), boil 3-4 garlic cloves in 3 tbsp of Sesame oil and massage it on swollen joints. It works as anti-inflammatory medicine. You can also rub raw peeled garlic on sore and swollen joints to get relief from the pain.
  6. Muscle pain: make a paste of head of garlic and rub it on the whole affected area and leave it for whole night to get relief from the unbearable muscles pain.
  7. Smoking: Big surprise,if you want to quit smoking, garlic is your new BFF ( Best Friend For ever). Take a few raw garlic on an empty stomach with 2 lemon juice before your lunch and dinner time to quit smoking naturally. ( I know you will stink, but it is also a great way to find out who loves you and who does not)
  8. Toothaches: Due to antibacterial, analgesic and anesthetizing properties of garlic, it will help to cure toothaches. You will get instant relief from the gum infection or toothache problem by rubbing garlic oil or a piece of crushed garlic clove on the ache area of your teeth.

The list is exactly endless, it helps for virility as well, but I guess your new date will walk away even before getting to your bed, so perhaps not the best tip ever. If you are gonna eat some garlic, eat some parsley after it, it neutralises a bit the smell for others and yourself.

#9 Ayurvedic Quick win: a whole day on your cell phone?….cheap and easy: how to get the radiation out of your system

07034f45ce9b990bcab651e3291f94ea Without becoming polemic about cell phones, we all know that holding a cell phone too long on your ears won’t do you any good. If this comes as a total surprise read the article with this link. 

The waves of the cell phone are similar to Microwave (the so called dielectric heating)  This is why when you speak to long on the phone, like 2 hours or so, your head feels very warm up and you feel very dried up.

As there is no point of saying to throw the phone out of the window, it comes without saying that the less you use it, the better it is.

Some of us wear a head set instead, but for Ayurveda wearing the head set  is NO good either.

However as in daily western life the use of a phone is so much part of our lives and for some of us even our BFF ( Best Friend For ever), please find below what instead you CAN do.

We have spoken before already there is a lot of benefits in Sesame Oil. I highly recommend it for relaxing etc ( See quick win #2) Trust me if I say you will swear by it from now one ( I have been to the Bulgari Spa, Thai massages on the beach for a triple digit price, but nothing as good as a simple home made sesame oil massage with a price tag of EUR 3,-)

Anyhow, back to our microwave boiling head……

What can you do after a day of hanging on the cell phone( recommended if you spend more than 1-2 hours on the phone per day)….you go home and neutralise your ears, head and body in the following way This is what you do:

  1. Buy Sesame Oil ( preferably of the Bio store, otherwise the one of the Chinese will do in case of emergencies)
  2. Boil some tap water
  3. Heat the oil (not boiling it) in a glass or plastic small bowl in the warm water ( the famous ” au bain Marie”)
  4. Massage it on your head, front and especially in and around your ears
  5. Leave the oil for 15 min and then wash your head and body
  6. Trust me, sounds too easy, but you will shine again! ( Guys also suggest this to your women if she has an other headache LOL)

If you have a lot of headache or feel drained in the head ( or even if ever you have ear pain), take a cotton and dip it, without any modesty, in the warm oil en put it in your ears for a bit. Take it out and close it with a new clean cotton and go to sleep like that.

If you are a true Ayurvedic Health fanatic then you leave the oil, before heating,  3 days and 3 nights outside, to have the moon do his part on it. If you think I am crazy then read this link before and thank me later.

Thats all! next time more…..

Curious about other Ayurvedic quick wins?

#1 Eat fruit only on empty stomach

#2 Drink lots of hot water but never reboil your water

#3 Magics of sesame oil

#4 Honey is great but don’t put it in boiling water

#5 Milk don’t drink it with any fruit

# 6 Pineapple to anticipate your period

#7 Apples against migraine and stop craving alcohol

#8 Dried eyes work out

I learned about the “how” and “when” of Ayurvedic food from the amazing Vaidyas Krishna, JR and Padma from the Raju clinic in Hyderabad, Vaidya Kalyan in the Maharishi Ayurveda clinic in Germany and from great fellows, who did the Pancha Karma with me in Hyderabad at the Raju Clinic