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They look harmless. We throw them in our smoothies and with some whipped cream they are just simple and divine. However, a banana Ayurvedically pimped up becomes a true yellow killer in disguise.

You sure want to know what happened. Make sure you are not eating while reading. I still feel sick thinking back of my first banana treatment.

For people in a rush, not into long b***sh*t stories, or on a deadline preparing for Ayurvedic India go immediately below to: ‘ Key Essentials prior to leaving’

If you are just interested in generic Ayurvedic treatments, Pancha Karma and funny India stories, not into bananas, menopause, infertility and female talks about their desire for a baby: Tap in tomorrow again.

So about banana……

Did I really had to go bananas and could I not stay main stream instead?

It is not that one day I woke up and that from one day from being a control freak, I became Catherine Blanchett in Lord of the rings believing in the powers of Nature. To get me there life had to shake me up.

After 5 years of trying to get pregnant with la creme de la creme doctors in France ( No 1 for me Dr Olivennes)  Belgium and Spain, I felt plainly miserable of the hormones. After 12 inseminations, 3 Invitros and 2 eggcell donations the world of western medicine started to fall apart and the alarming bells ringing loud and clearly in my ears at the age of 40.

As an intermediate step, I gave the benefit of the doubt and listened to an appearantly big share of my friends hanging on to the idea that unsolved emotional issues block pregnancy. Just to take it out from the checklist ( and not to have to listen to my friends anymore) I did several sessions in France for my french friends and in the Netherlands for my dutch friends.  While I was at it, I even got under hypnosis and also read and listened to all tapes of Julia Indichova. This just to rule out any dirty business blocking me. If you going to follow along, I hope for you guys at this stage you will indeed be pregnant. Especially the Julia Indichova stuff is good. But for me, besides the positive side effect of at least slightly becoming a more bearable person, it did not result in getting pregnant.

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Banksy: Talk till you go banana

Why ayurveda?

I heard vaguely about Ayurveda and Maharishi.  Some people in my family proclaimed it helped them with side effect of chemo/radiation and cured eczema and gout. Out of courtesy I showed my interest, but I was not at the least convinced as it was too much floating in the air to me.  Feeling your pulse and adjusting some food habitats can cure diseases? You got to have better than that. Next

Actually I realised soon, there was nothing next according the doctors. It was simply a matter of time to get desperate enough to pick up the phone and call India.

My first banana treatment

I figured out, after some puzzling, who the original doctor was of Maharishi Ayurveda  and called his office. A lovely person on the phone Ananda explained me that best for me would be to come to India as the herbs were better, see the Dr Raj JR and do the banana treatment. I double checked, did (s)he say bananas? Two months? I was ready but not crazy.

I politely explained that I hardly had time to go to the supermarket to fill my fridge and buy bananas, imagine 2 months in India for a banana treatment.

As a second option she advised to go to the Maharishi Ayurvedic Clinic in Germany to see the nephew of the family who could give me banana as well.

I googled about banana treatments, but aside of some not very convincing pictures, short descriptions and few phrases; ‘ It was great’, I did not get very far. BTW, as I discovered later, indian doctors have a total different way of answering the How and the Why that we have at this stage. I will try to find the answers for you. Avoids you to unnecessary worry. But not in this todays blog. I am getting too long already……

With Bananas it is all about timing. The banana should only be taking the first 3 days of my cycle.

( Unless you are on menopause – it helps apparently for menopause too. You should take it then at any date that you had you first day of cycle in your life. So start to remember it  for later. For when the hot flashes will come. Banana enhances male fertility too. They can luckily take it at any date. )

I was hoping badly it would fall in the weekends as timing was so bad….And of course it did not. Thank God, halleluja, my boss, one of the rare species in the universe of fashion, aware of my situation, warmly wished me to have a baby, helped me out and I could still go… here I was in 65+ Bad Ems with a laptop in my bed ready for my banana.

Bad Ems- my german banana retrait

How does it work?

The banana treatment is an ancient several hundreds years old treatment based on herbs and developed solely by one family, the Raju’s. The treatment claims special beneficial effects on the reproductive female/male organs, menopause and cures infertility. I repeat. Not helps but CURES, so they clearly state.  The treatment can only be done by a Raju family member. In my case Vaidya Kalyan, who moved with his family to Bad Ems and knows the secret recipe.

BTW: Not essential but I have to say that the first time I saw the vaidya I immediately spotted his incredible eye white. Something I usually never pay attention to. The eyewhite of the vaidya was so out of the ordinary, extremely white, like an optic white I never have seen before ( I work with designers so I have seen some dozens of optic whites passing along, can you imagine)….But something typex like. Not even the illegal-not available in Europe – American eye white drops get any close to this. The first time I was ayurvedically impressed. Not very spiritual, I confess, but if I don’t get cured at least I am going to get drop dead stars in my eyes.

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In my mind: the vaidya

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Vaidya Kalyan in true life

This is how it works ( the banana treatment, not how to get the typex sparklings eyes):

  1. Inform a few days before when you think when you period will start. (The 5 * clinic is well organised and very clean, -what else to expect from a german clinic-  and will hand you out all instructions.)
  2. Arrive the day before the period at location, ask if you have to bring your own bananas of if they provide ( My period came so sudden, I could only arrive  in the morning of my first day. Note: the first day with flow is the most important one. If you have flow you can not buy bananas as you would ‘contaminate’ it)
  3. The next morning, don’t eat prior to the treatment and also limit drinks
  4. One hour prior before the banana dont speak, dont drink and take a shower
  5. Go to see the Vaidya to take the banana. Dont speak to the Vaidya or anybody else and dont touch him ( you are not considered ‘clean’ those days). Wise to bring a paper and pen just in case you have to ask something.
  6. Take the banana in your mouth and swallow it without chewing. Dont worry, It is very small, less than a small grape. It has some magic yellow powder on it so it should be easy to get down.banada dis
  • Go to your room and rest
  • Don’t speak for the first hour
  • Dont eat. They will bring your milk rice ( at lunch time and dinner ). The only thing that you will eat those days.
  • Rest, meaning no TV, internet, socialising, calling, walking, swimming etc and sleep as much as you can ( I did lay in bed non stop for 3 days……working with my laptop, so I cheated abit)
  • A few days before check out ask for some Ayurvedic medicines, Normally you have to stay at least one day before your cycle and till you have flow…3-4 days. Total: max 5 days.
  • The treatment is, as the family tradition prescribes, for free. So you pay for the room ( reduced price EUR 90 at a 5* spa resort),  the bananas and the meals. You can donate for the treatment in cash and this will go to a charity
  • rice

    You better like rice

    So far so good, was it not that 45 min after taking the banana I felt extremely sick and vomited 11 times one after the other …this continued for all the 3 days I stayed there. As I had nothing to vomit and did not get my rice yet, I saw also that I was vomiting the yellow power that was on the banana. The vomiting is extremely strong. At a certain moment it also came out of the nose. Topping up with diarrhea to make it an all-in-one experience. I called the doctor after my hour of silence. The vaidya told me it was all normal ( I guess ‘normal’ is totally culturally driven).The powder has extreme cleansing impact on your body and likely I was very intoxicated because all the hormones I have been taking. The verdict was done. Punished by a bio banana for taking hormones.

    Did it work?

    I think you can imagine it did not. Not yet. Otherwise the blog would finish here. But what it DID do was that my FSH hormone value dropped from 22 ( no hope for pregnancy, get ready for meno pause) to 7 ( the level of a 25 yrs old girl).Together with my husband, I was jumping of joy. We did an insemination immediately after (it has 10% more chance than the natural way and we need every %, coming from 1%).  It did not work but Ayurveda got me: 1-0.

    So why go to India?

    Although results improved, the so called AMH value did not change. My rational side was still doubting and desperately still hanging on a sinking wreck called regular Western medicine. I just wanted to do one more invitro just to try to see if now it would work better after the banana. The dosis and new medicine I took were very heavy (not allowed in France so I did it with my Belgium- one of the few empathic-Doctor Campo at LIFE clinic). My body protested instantly. A total boycot, even with pumping up the hormones to new levels: nothing meaning the eggs with zero growth. On top of it brought me back on my old  FSH were I was before banana. Stupid, yes I know. I did an other all-in-one banana session to get my body and brains back to normal. I decided to stop hormones-full stop.

    Clearly a stubborn person has to hit his head hard before she can see the message she has in front of her. I was always juggling between doctors, labs and of course my work, my passion. During another hectic day a total random woman in a showroom stood in front of me. The hammer hit. So badly that I even asked the woman whom I did not know if I could make a picture of her bag so to remember. A message that clearly had to come to me as I was not coming to her. A signal that the moment of the split road had arrived. It was spoking though my head for a long time and I pushed it away as much as I could. No more half measures. At this moment in your life:  MAKE A CHOICE.  Baby or work.

    My ratio, this eternal overactive machine …( not immediately and not without pulling out  all its very last resorts)…. Finally SURRENDERED.

    The only remedy in 5 years with positive results and not killing my body was unexplainably the banana treatment. I was ready to go to one and only true banana resort called India, put my dream job aside and ‘ Go crazy have a baby’

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    Paris 2013, a wake up call for me in the showroom?

    Tomorrow: My first time and first day in India.

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    Key essentials prior to leaving to Ayurvedic India:

    • Make sure you watch The best exotic Marigold hotel, Outsourced and Slumdog millionaire again….. set expectations right and know what you are buying into.
    • Go to the local post office in your country during rush hour to train your patience
    • Send frontal and side pictures of your body in short and bikini top to the Vaidya and have a incheck talk before leaving ( remember it is an Indian doctor so not your favorite brasilian bikini set)
    • Reserve extra time to get your visa right and surely opt for a 6 months visa even if you are sure you are going for two weeks only. India has a strange impact on people and plans might change and then it is far more difficult to prolong.
    • For arrival at the airport reserve a pick-up taxi via the clinic and make sure they send you the copy of the pick up note the driver is bringing. Dont be scared about the drivers driving style. It is the only way to survive the india traffic jungle.
    • Write down the numbers of the driver and the manager of the Clinic Harish just in case at location your room is locked with no key waiting for you at 4 am.
    • Have some Indian money prior to arriving ( you have to pay the drivers parking at the airport when going to the Clinic)
    • Bring a night lamp in case electricity falls out just when you arrive at your residence
    • Bring some cleaning stuff to clean your bathroom and toilet paper for the first night if you are like me have a hygiene phobic
    • Buy a bottle of water at the airport you can not drink from the tap and unlike the German clinic it is not 5*
    • When you shower close your mouth firmly after your long flight. Don’t to swallow one single drop of the water. You would get sick the first day already.
    • Bring an extra luggage for your 3-6 months take away home supply of medicines. Suitcases are not very cheap and strong in India. Also other people will ask you favours to bring some medicine for some very serious ill family if they happen to live close to you. Nobody seems to refuse this in the clinic.
    • Bring you laptop, tablet or smartphone. Even the most spiritual person after a while is missing it. There is WIFI in the clinic.
    • Bring books for the first days or for rainy days
    • Dont bring too much clothes. The local dresscode is very specific with very different logics. You rather buy it there. It is cheap, beautiful and you can all have made to measure.
    • For woman travelling alone, even if not married, bring and wear a wedding ring. The best protection for the Indian male crowd that will be very interested in you.
    • Leave all your standards of living at home. It is India is with everything is so different. Just go with the flow and if you don’t go with flow it will any how take you. So just enjoy it.
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