In one of my last blog I wrote already about messages from the universe that appeared during the quest to realise my dream. THE reason why I am in India. The quest that the doctors in Europe already had given up upon, but Ayurvedic India had not.
I started my Pancha Karma (PK- a deep cleansing) here in India, after I did the very blessed mysterious banana treatment……..
Not only am I cleansing physically after all hormone treatments that had swollen me like a hippopotamus ( you can imagine what a life that is, if you are working in the Mekka of Fashion and you have to keep on walking on 110 mm heels) but clearly also emotionally.
The other patients had warned me already, an emotional break down moment would come to all of us. I had spotted one Russian lady on the stairs in the treatments building crying with an other patient. But….Nah….. I did not feel that was gonna happen to me….I felt like a warrior on a fertility mission. My motto in life had always been ” what does not kill you makes you stronger” and with such a beautiful and from the heart personal dream I felt like a Rocking Hippo. Crying was for the ones giving up and I was here full on it.
The PK for the last days made me feel vibrant, with WOW what a great skin!….Do you remember I told you in one of my blogs that the vaidya had this optic white neon shining eyewhite? Well mine was getting there too….”PK is Great”
I was more and more learning to listen to “other” messages than mine and felt encouraged about it to continue and not to give up. My warrior strength was growing by the day.
The word of mouth in the “other” world (a gossip runs fast in any world I see) had started and with this spread of rumour also the darker ” Demontor” harry potter Angels were ready to deliver a message.
They must have listed to the soul song “tonight is the night” up there cause, in the middle of the night, a sniper hit on me …in my dream ( what a coward…when I am sleeping)….or better a true deep dark nightmare.( he must have missed the ” be gentle” part in the soul song)
In this dark nightmare, there it was, I don’t know why, but I knew this it was IT. The ” IT” that was blocking me from being pregnant, just like the Viadya had said in my first pulse consultation, but then in a “20 years After” scenery. Although there was no talking in this dream, I realised WHAT it was and it said something but I did not know not WHAT it said exactly.
I woke up drained, with something big stocking and blocking my throat from swallowing. You would wish you could vomit it out, but I could not.
I went out to get ready with my daily Pancha Karma routine and went to the doctor.
Whereas the other two times he just checked my pulse and after his daily ” Good, Good”I usually could go again, this time ,without me saying anything, he asked me:” How did you dream last night? Do you feel ok?”
After telling him my very bad dream last night ( besides the other very LSD kind of colourful -crazy as hell -dreams I had the other days), he assured me that it was good this was happening, it was normal with the cleansing and especially the Smirti medicine I was taking. (that little medicine I was taking every morning at 5:29…the bast@#@$rd…..I googled quickly this little fellow and Smirti meant in sanskrit “Recollection”. Well, thank you for THIS recollection Mr Smirti. )The doctor explained on a rare occasion ( Vaidyas don’t explain so much, a good exercise to live and let go for us Westerns) that the body according to Ayurveda can recollect and reset its pure and healthy state again with the use of Smirti, topping up with “intention” ( prayer), meditation and PK.
He gave me some cute little black beads to take for the coming days to feel better ( I guess a kind of Ayurvedic Zanex or Prozac if you like, cause I felt better the next day) But for the rest of this day I had to drag myself along as I still felt totally in pieces.
Nothing left of a hippo warrior, I called my husband I wanted to go home and I felt like a stupid desperate woman lost in Ayurvedic translation.
In the treatment room they tried to put some kind of donuts on my back and filled it with some healing warm oils, but I was shaking so much of tears that all the oil was spashling out.
I felt ridiculous, why was I crying so much? But the warm arms around me of my technicians Kumari ( “Jesus is Great” ) felt like the healing mother love, in big caps, I just needed at that moment, saying that it is all going to be all right.
Just like the ending at the Harry Potters movie with the Patronus. The spirit guardian came down bringing positive energy, a Smirti recollection of your good memories to overcome the bad. Shine out the dark with positive light. Was this the message of my dream?