Nymphs of fear whispering you paradise

Do we all have something where we are unique at?

Take Philip Segmour Hoffmann, the actor, who did all those great movies. For me, undoubtedly a great talent. He probably adored acting and when he was at it, for sure in a great divine flow and on a high. So why the drugs?

Philip was not alone, same with Amy Winehouse, Billy Holiday and many more. All blessed with such enormous talent, they could fly. So why follow a dark ocean and get drown? If they could hear angelic voices instead.

Were these persons simply more sensitive and courageous than others? Or is there a price to pay for divine talents?

If others were gifted with talents, does it mean there were also “children of a lesser god”, like me, that ended up with no talent?

Raise up your hand now if you wish you had your own unique talent. A talent that feels like living in a loving world of your own, all worries disappear and you wish it never stops. I do. So how do we find it?

I heard a story the other day, telling there are just two emotions in life. The rest of our emotions are just derivates of these two: Love and Fear.  If love is what we feel when we simply enjoy what we do, the shame and apologising veil we put ourselves must be our fear. This hungry inhuman creature, living in our own Lochness lake of pain, can be fed by anything from a raw and screaming youth to a simple remark of your class mates that sticked for ever.

Are we missing the big point of what we should do, because we are blinded by fear?  The odds are very high that  the “IT” I should be doing, is something that I am overlooking as it is something that I already do but I have labeled as too banal and common. Something I like to do, but I parked already in the “nothing special” corner and so we keep on looking for something that is just below our eyes.

I thought I had found my own “IT” already. I had in an earlier life already changed career and followed my passion for fashion. Eight years passed like nothing, I worked passionately on making beautiful collections, but I ended up being drained and unhappy. What had started as a love affair ended up in a toxic relationship. Why?

I was all excited when I quit my established and safe banking job in my home country, I left all securities behind and went all the way for an “impossible”challenge in the unpredictable world of fashion at the age of 32. I was for sure not driven by any fear and there was this excitement for the newness telling to go on. The first time I was on the list to enter the fashion door I still remember. What a high! You are in awe  and so driven by passion and the fact you managed to get in, simply made you walk on clouds. The first promotions came in and soon enough I worked for my favourite prestigious brand in Paris. But the truth is that like any drugs, after a period that nothing seems to be able to break you, there comes a time it is simply never enough and from enjoying creations of beautiful things, I ended up like a junkie not getting high anymore from anything but simply trying to get through the day and needed more just not to feel the pain.

There is a weak spot in everybody that needs reassurance. We are sometimes so tired and lost that we see only remedy in the conspiring voices of our own sea nymphs, whispering us that compensation, recognition (or whatever you label it) will put the pain to silence, seducing us to follow down into the deep cold ocean where the noise of fear will become deaf and dumb.

If for all those years we have been anchored ourselves down there in a “mute” world and we want to set free, how can we unravel ourselves?

ed139508fa6382ad45dd43ba6745b116_FotorNo matter how deep you are in the ocean, there is deep inside of you something that continues speaking to you. In a language of no words it was telling me to not to grieve to leave something and trust something new would come, just like in the poems of Rumi.

I left my fashion job and decided not to listen any of those seducing voices teasing me with fears while swimming up. Like Odysseus I resisted the whispering promises from the sea. I tied myself up to the boat, prepared to confront any weather that would come upon my road, closed my ears and passed the hypnotising echoes of the sirens.

Once you are up the hardest part is still to come, the sirens were just ghosts that you could put aside, but now that you have swum towards the surface and are breathing again, in the calmer waters you have to come clear also with the bleeding heart of the problem that is now floating and mirroring on the water: YOU.

Why did you need a career, why you needed to cover up ? What is that we will see once all that wild troubled water stops?

Sometimes the answer is not such a feel good story as you would like and it simply raw and indigestible sad.

When I was around 11 years old, I started to fill up my room with beautiful colourful boards of add campaigns of Dior and Parisian fashions shows, disappearing for hours and hours in the beauty of my own under water world Fashion. Not for the love of Alaia or YSL, but simple cause they allowed to dream of an other world then mine. And it worked, when I looked outside of the window seeing other kids playing, in my room I found my own safe place around my boards not to feel lonely and excluded anymore and like this I met and followed in a spell my first sea nymph into the waters.

Have the courage to take this lonely kid back in your arms, cherish and hug it. With the eyes of love, look again and there you will find yourself, the kid and next to it, your passion, your talent, just right there next to you waiting, patiently all those years.

Follow. Love or Fear. “If you keep your eyes open you will see the things worth seeing.” Thank you Rumi.



Ayurvedic India Week 3-4: India in a flow, how can I ever describe?

 Listen to below music while reading to help dream away for a few minutes in the wonders of India. 



When you travel nothing is nicer than when you get familiar to your new surrounding and you feel you are part of its every days life.

I was in my third week in India and finally got into a rhythm.

I loved my daily tours to the treatment centre that was based on the top floor of a little shopping mall. Although the building on it is self had a “bric et brac” appeal. It did not matter much. Yes, it was cracky, unfinished and there was no clear retail marketing strategy behind the whole construction. But exactly that was what maked it  fascinating, it was not perfect, had its flaws but it was vibrant and different.

When I walk in any western city nowadays you can already predict that next to Zara there will be soon enough a H&M upcoming or a Mango. It is planned and it shows. All those marketing people ( of which I used to be part of), seem to forget that life is all about living experiences and what is the fun of an experience if every ride in any park is the same.

I loved to wander around my grey shopping mall that was coloured with all these little stores. Electricity cables were hanging over the wet floor and there was daily a live show of a chicken massacre at the butcher while you were at the indian barber shop doing your indian threaded eyebrows .

My life was small, I only lived on the compound where I drifted by the Ayurvedic rhythm of delightful healing treatments. I felt being part of a mysterious feel good movie that was rolling in slow motions. I had a content smile fixed on my face and I was simply floating.  I have never taken drugs but I guess that taking heroin must be  like this, but with the beauty that this all came from inside and without any tragic suffocating monkey around your neck killing you softly. After being scared to go, India was really getting in my veins and slowly putting me in a very warm and mellow feeling. I understood why all those people were taken by  this magic and mystery. I felt like never leaving this warm womb. Life was just beautiful here, for no specific reason. Despite the long list of reasons why I did not want to go , once you were there, it was all you wanted, I was hooked on this divine “Nice and Easy”.

Strange how I could just close my eyes and remember every single detail. Normally I am quite distracted and don’t have such a sharp recollective mind. The colours of the people and their clothing, kids playing cricket at sunset after school, it was the “Best Exotic Marigold hotel” at his best. A “Must See” ( both the movie as India).

I don’t know if were the black beads that the doctor gave me, the treatments or my new philosophy of life of letting go and float, but I felt profoundly happy, in a bliss.  I wished you could smell with me the mystic combination of the smell of herbs being cooked, incense of all the people doing their puja/hindu rituals at home and the uncommon perfume of the trees in the park. You would see some garbage but it was not like a disruption of this floating dream, it was simply part of it, just like the street dogs full of fleas with their street fight signatures.

In the afternoon I would sit at sun set in the park. Women all together sitting together in wonderful colours on the grass, would timidly greet me, revealing their perfect white teeth. Curious little kids surrounding me like little monkeys in front, from the back and aside, asking for my name and trying to put their excellent english to the test. I would usually be too impatient to sit alone anywhere. But here I felt peaceful. Something very innocent and joyful was blowing a hypnotising air on those afternoon moments in the park.

The Vaidya’s advice , on top of the cow and banana, was that it would be very wholesome for my deeply desired wish to be  around children. This exercise was served on a silver plate. During those afternoon on my little green iron bench in the park I was invisible, covered by little indian kids that were looking at me with their big black bead eyes. Other days  I played with the kids of the Vaidya and we fed the magical cow. The divine animal that the Raju family suggested to see every day to expose myself to her divine “Motherly” incarnations.

Whatever this Ayurvedic myth was true or not, every morning  my way to the clinic was filled with joy. Kids going to school, waving and from the heart wishing me  a true” Goodmorning Mam” , “See you later, madam” and even from far on the end of the street running to scout out load” Maaaaaaam, byeeeee”.

How much did I miss this. How much did I need this. In Paris, the city filled with its own eternal magics,  the “Bonjour” ( despite the delicious croissants or pain chocolates)  never came with a free gift of a smile. A smile of kid, a cow, the ladies in the park, so simple poured me under a refreshing but warm shower of joy.

This high, could I relive it? Or did I need to seclude myself in India from now on, listening to heart moving indian flutes and float in their mysterious rivers?

I just closed my eyes.  It was all there, the park, I could relive again.



# 10 Ayurvedic quick wins: Garlic, a stinky bastard, revealed as a healing saint after all ( Not recommended if you have to go out the night)

9c34844a4092ec92b4a089a21d1da4c4 During Ayurvedic Cleansing, Pancha Karma, we don’t eat Garlic ( nor onions) as it is quite difficult to digest. That does not mean that garlic has great powers and that if you don’t want to eat it, applying on the body, helps as well for many things:

  1. Ear pain: boil 2-3 garlic in the Sesame oil ( You see againSesame Oil, like my other Ayurvedic Quickwins: an other healer that is so great, check out this link) and put 2 drops of oil in the ear to get relief from the pain. Max: 2-3 times per day
  2. Sleeping problems: Eat a small salad with garlic in the night time to get a deep sleep. ( Salad has the image to be light, but note that for Ayurveda, salad and garlic don’t digest easily,  so keep it in a small quantity
  3. Warts and skin spots: To remove them directly apply raw garlic on warts and acne spots. Do this on a daily basis and you will get rid of warts and acne spots easily.
  4. High blood pressure: Drink this “great” syrup, two whole garlic, sugar and glass of water. 3 table spoons (tbsp) of syrup daily to resolve the high blood pressure problem.
  5. Rheuma: Take oil for any kind of joints ( Sesame oil is great too), boil 3-4 garlic cloves in 3 tbsp of Sesame oil and massage it on swollen joints. It works as anti-inflammatory medicine. You can also rub raw peeled garlic on sore and swollen joints to get relief from the pain.
  6. Muscle pain: make a paste of head of garlic and rub it on the whole affected area and leave it for whole night to get relief from the unbearable muscles pain.
  7. Smoking: Big surprise,if you want to quit smoking, garlic is your new BFF ( Best Friend For ever). Take a few raw garlic on an empty stomach with 2 lemon juice before your lunch and dinner time to quit smoking naturally. ( I know you will stink, but it is also a great way to find out who loves you and who does not)
  8. Toothaches: Due to antibacterial, analgesic and anesthetizing properties of garlic, it will help to cure toothaches. You will get instant relief from the gum infection or toothache problem by rubbing garlic oil or a piece of crushed garlic clove on the ache area of your teeth.

The list is exactly endless, it helps for virility as well, but I guess your new date will walk away even before getting to your bed, so perhaps not the best tip ever. If you are gonna eat some garlic, eat some parsley after it, it neutralises a bit the smell for others and yourself.

hey YOU there on the couch on a lazy sunday!….what have you been doing this year?…Squeeze out your last drops of energy , get ready for a fun year with just 20 minutes of effort. ( you can stay on your couch)

d3011e02cc1b5ba09a5e0917b116f5e5_Fotor How many of you are just simply happy that you survived this week of work and by a strike of luck this sunday you are still breathing? Monday you cross your fingers that your legs will, on an automatic pilot, drag you to the office. The rest of the day passes by, as in a near death experience, where you stare at yourself out of your own body (but without a happy ending of a God saving you). At night you reach, by miracle, your bed (instead of the couch) and you crash in a coma with a new personal record.

Months, years quickly pass by like this. You scratch yourself behind the head saying: “OK, November is on its way, 2014 is almost over ….what have I, in big caps, been doing all that time except of getting through an other day?”

I know the feeling, 9 years have passed like that…my husband would say it is not that YOU who came home, it was a ZOMBIE who joined me in bed at 1am…. But, sometimes you just have hit hard to get the message. c936947bbb96797817a3e354e5c39d07_Fotor Over a dinner  with a friend where I simply was telling of all the things that I did NOT have time for or simply missed out on in the last 9 years, she ( a working “banker” mum,with two very adorable kids with auto recharging powers, faced the same feeling though for other reasons) came with a great idea which both we pledged to do: The FUN list.

It was something that they prescribe for people with a real burn out, but it works also for chronicle tiredness, an unsatisfied life, depression or what ever is draining you to get more out of your life than simply surviving.

That easy? Yes, that easy. So put some “Pump Up the Jam” music on and fill in that list and get ready to Get Lucky

I confess, I took this ” 100 Fun things” as a new sport and I had time now as I hit the “pause” button for my career and stopped working. But you there, that is no excuse, don’t give up now so easy! 5e3c9bdbe04af32a9119ead9ddf81cd1 All small steps turn into miles. Start with simple things. But don’t be too modest either and add one big jackpot as well. Lets agree that you do at least a list of 24! ( You can compile the other 76 later)…But doing something small twice per month is the absolute minimum. You will feel proud of yourself looking back. Trust me.

Just to be your cheerleader: I did 83 things of my 100 ” Good Fun”list and coming weeks I am really set to finish them. To keep myself going every 3 month I sent an update to my friend. I volunteer now here to receive yours. Send me a mail on my The banana blessing Facebook page ( click here) I will cheer and support you every month till you get to the finish.

I promise you will be surprised, looking back one year from now you will proudly say : “Wow this is what I have been doing” It really works better than just saying ” from now on I will do as many things as I can to enjoy life”

The list is a true empowerment tool: Looking back on a paper what you have been doing just gives you the energy to continue to do the others and you will have double the joy doing them as you will also have the joy to cross one other from your ” live life” list. So just do it! At the couch or where ever you are, write them down. 551a9748431d763a1423d0ec3d6aa7cd Some tips:

  • Be specific, don’t write: enjoy life and see family and friends. But  instead say, visit my friend x, or go and dance at my favourite  place “Y” fo
  • No should do things: Do things that bring only immediate FUN and don’t taste anything close to a Duty. NOT: tidy your closet or a course Italian for your CV.
  • Leave 10 things open and fill those in a few months later ( only if you have 90 filled out already, not 24 LOL)
  • Don’t be harsh on yourself, take some out and fill it in with something else if it makes you more happier or if the option unluckily is not available anymore ( the exposition I wanted to see in Paris stopped, so I replaced it. No problem)

To give you some ideas of how quick and easy it can be to collect a life full of small and big memories, below some of my own “Live life” things I wrote down:

  1. Buy a Breaking Bad t- shirt ( I bought it online, fixed in 10 min, but enjoyed all summer)
  2. Eat my favourite dish: French Frites of my favourite cafeteria Van Berkel (!)…(have to confess I did this more than once)
  3. Eat a Bossche bol ( my favourite cake)
  4. Eat crepe at my favourite street vendor at Blv Saint Germain
  5. Bike on a cold wet day in the Netherlands and inhale the smell of wet leafs
  6. Take a bath with lots and lots of foam, read a magazine while eating my favourite snack
  7. Go and see an old friend  ( Was great truuske!)
  8. Home made hamburgers and french frites and watch a movie with the hub
  9. Go to a bingo evening ( youth dream, don’t ask why please)
  10. Go to India and do a banana treatment

If you still need some inspiration, click on the link and you will find some inspiration for a life time” Feel Good” memory with no regrets. I am so happy that I did mine that I might continue next year with a full new list and post a picture of each of them on a new blog to cheer you guys to keep on fulfilling yours.

OK Guys, Get ready! Don’t have yourself blown away by anything. You won’t regret and start writing them down. 916b6fe1401c745fb62f14c2c1db9b6f_Fotor

Day 10-11 Ayurvedic India: The messenger pulse diagnosis meeting Einstein ( Part 3-last part)

IMG-20140216-00767_Fotor It has been a bit of a D-tour to get you here ( I had to post part 1: to get you ready for the topic. Remember the staring story?and part 2: to get you to the next level, click on the numbers if you did not read them yet and have some spare minutes), but finally today we are going to put the Messenger Pulse to the test.

I heard about this MP technic from patients in the waiting room at the clinic. The place, if you ever consider to go to the Raju Clinic, where you hear about all ins and out of mind blowing Ayurvedic India. It is something key to do when you are there, cause what is so obvious Indians, for us totally sounds from another planet.

Back to the waiting room. The vaidya called me in and checked my pulse ( just like the other times when he discovered already crazy things about myself). Till this far it was a ” Been there, Done that”

I was now ready for the Deus Ex Machina, the topping on the ice cake of all pulse checks. He would now via my pulse get into contact with someone on an other continent ( If you feel a strong disbelief coming up, you must not have read part 1 that I wrote just for the disbelievers. Click and come back later)

At first I had my own disbelief moment myself, but “seeing is believing” so here I was. The Vaidya would check out the health of 2 of my friends that were in Europe. He asked me to bring pictures and a good rested mood ( this is why after the Dementor night I could not do it and had to postpone).

The pictures needed to be: 1. one frontal of the whole body 2. one from the side and 3. close up of the face.

The person on the picture should wear only underwear or bikini ( bear in mind you are being checked by an Indian doctor, so skip for the occasion your favourite Brazilian string, but be there more in your warm and cosy Marks and Spencer/Hema/Wall Mart set that you only wear when alone or want to get divorced)

I did not reveal anything about the person and showed him the pictures. The vaidya asked me to close my eyes and think profoundly of this person while he was holding my pulse. What he told me about that person was on the spot. But a vicious voice inside me said: “Come on! You can see clearly it is an older person and look at the hands…the odds he had arthritis were simply a matter of mathematics”.

I hoped the vaidya did not feel my vicious voice through my pulse. But I had to confess that for my next friend I was even more curious what he would say. This person was young,totally in shape and may I say HOT. No diseases nothing to guess from a picture. But just few weeks before, he had been recovered with heart problems at the emergency department.

Again here, the same procedure and again the diagnosis was astonishing. He not only identified that there was something with his heart. But, as if he was teaching me an universal lesson, he topped up saying there was something with his neck. Something, from a long time ago, like if he got hit. He said  that the person involved was actually neglecting it too much.He should get physiotherapy.

I totally forgot, but indeed this person once got hit with a baseball in his neck when he was kidnapped a dozen of years ago and was constantly complaining about his necks, but not doing much about it.

Of course all this is very astonishing. But what was more astonishing was that I came to understand something that took me 41 years to get there. The simple words below that seemed till yesterday “just nice”, today were there as magical words to help me understand something so simple, so simple I overlooked it.

a26171a447ec4a3da7711c40fd1dad7f The fact that a simply thought of something (or somebody) could influence my body, to an extent that it is capable of giving signals over such big reach and going back in time, was to say the least ,shocking and a true wake up call for me. ( better late then never)

If a simple thought of a few seconds could do this. What had decades of hammering of my own life motto” what does not kills you makes you stronger” and “I am the owner of my own destiny”  done to my body all that time then?

I had hung deeply on my two beliefs. They have brought me so far, made “impossible things possible” and showed me the world.  But although it brought me somewhere, it came with a price. I, together with my body, we were exhausted and I was questioning if I should start to give up on my biggest dream.

Perhaps what I was going through had nothing to do with “giving up”. Maybe it was just a simple result of the message my mind was giving to my body and as a ripple effect to the universe as a whole. The message was out there and so they kept their ” universal” doors closed ,at my own request, and they said: “Mrs “This is My life”, just like the song of Shirley Bassey, was going to going to do it her own way, so be it.”

The fact that I was getting so tired, likely had nothing to do with the end of my capacities or strength but was merely a result of years and years of swimming against the stream. Who would not get tired?

The penny dropped here today, in India with the pulse diagnosis. I just had to relax, like with the pulse diagnosis, think profoundly of what I wanted without doing or trying anything else, trusting things have their own ways beyond my understanding…..and allow somebody (be it the Vaidya, the universe, God or Einstein’s energy) to open gates for miracles to happen, change my body and my life into true happy matters…Einstein’s theory E=MC2 ( energy becomes matter) meeting Ayurvedic Pulse diagnosis.

So this weekend re-check which motto of life you are actually living by and rethink twice what your true wish is in life. Be careful what you wish for it might become true, give energy to the right matter, E=MC2…tattoo it on your pulse ASAP! 032c729e1dbb7564ff969cc89dcbe780 For myself, from now on, I was going to float in this river and see where the  streaming would bring me. For sure much further than where I got till this far. 1b6b8448159a699b406ad8e14defda73

Ayurvedic India day 10-11: Messenger pulse diagnose…..are we the “Nouveau Riche” of the universe?- part 2


We all know the feeling when somebody is staring at us from our backs. We sense actually the energy from someone else looking at us. There are no evidences how we can feel it, but we all know what I am talking about it.

In a daily life we don’t do a lot with this unexplainable capacity that we have. But the Vaidyas from the Raju family have been “trained” in the skills of Science of Life ( In Sanscrit: Ayurveda) ever since they were little. So the impact of energy ( yours, mine, from food or from anything on earth or in the universe) is for them as an Ayurvedic Whatsapp, you need to know how to download the app, be connected to the universal WIFI and have a  strong provider.

You may remember that they poured a special milky liquid through my nose during my banana treatment, just because the stars were on a specific position that day. That time, I went along with whatever the vaidya were asking, I just wanted to fulfil my baby dream, but to be honest I was not very into Astronomy. The only star I once in a while read about was baby star ” North” West (you know from the Sun planet Kim around which our universe seems to be orbiting nowadays).

It is not that I look down at the floor while I am walking, avoiding the sky. I do appreciate, like everybody else, a beautiful sky and who does not love to spot a falling star. But geeking around what is where and the ins and outs of the black whole….besides simple being too busy running my own little universe, I guess I was simply not into it.

However the more I was in India, the more, mysterious India was getting into my veins. The vaidyas did so many miracles here in the clinic ( tell you more about it this week), if they were praying all night long on auspicious days just because of some star, perhaps I -with big caps- was missing out on something?

I started to question and put away the “unlikeliness” that stars and planets have any influences on us. Who do we think we actually are, thinking that in fact it would influence everything and skip us?

Every 12 hours the attraction of the moon pulls the water towards him, creating ebbs and flows. If the moon can attract the sea why would it not attract us (we are 50-65% water), even if just a little? Why would we think we stay immune vs a  small drop in the ocean, simple cause we are not “schooled or interested” to perceive it? And if a moon can do this, what about the billions of stars and planets out there in our own galaxy that surrounds us?

The more you dive into the topic the more infinite it becomes, quite overwhelming to comprehend and too big to make sense to our brain. If you are a control freak , like me,  and likes putting things in sizeable boxes,  Astronomy is like an itchy woollen sweater.

But seeing the vaidya curing so many bodies that were given up on, this itchy astronomy sweater started to soften up on me. Although loving quotes and reading books to make sense to my little life, I discovered actually that the story of the universe had a real poetic, touchy side and gave so many answers on things we break our heads over.

We might feel we have little in common with the universe as it looks all smart, fancy and perfect. But actually it is thanks to its Imperfection that the earth and life were created and we are hopping around. So if an imperfect universe is working fine with billions and billions of star and planets travelling on crazy speeds, why are WE all the time trying to be perfect?

The more I read the more I understood that there is nothing to control about in life. We live as if we were the centre of existence, and we fully under control, but with 1000km/hour around our own orbit and 102.000km/hour around the sun, the universe was very kind to give us a gravity safety belt to keep us on this planet and we’d rather just follow universal rules instead of following the ideas of a brain that reaches to a miserable10% of its capacity ( if you are lucky).

The universe is out there and fully working for billions and billions of years, what do we pretend to know in the miserable  2,5 million of years that we are around? So lets all just stop acting like the “Nouveau Riche” of the universe, live life as a true miracle and just surrender and float by the universal powers, like just our Messenger Pulse Doctor in India tomorrow ( the last part of the messenger pulse episode)

cecf3183f5720a1dc006c5d0217ba467As a change to the Facebook quotes and articles, free up an evening to see this great movie to understand that what is out there for you. Be at awe and fall in love, just like Albert Einstein, Stephan Awkins (and humble me, next to them) did.